Congressional Anatomy Test
A diagnostic quiz for evaluating spines, vocal cords, testicles, and conscience in the age of Trump
Why This Test Exists
Before we can restore democratic integrity, we must assess the anatomy of those entrusted to defend it. This test gathers satirical data on the physiological symptoms of political cowardice, constitutional collapse, and MAGA-induced paralysis.
We’re not talking biology—we’re talking about the civic organs that matter: Spines. Vocal cords. Testicles. Conscience.
Your participation helps identify which members of Congress may require emergency civic intervention—and which organs have gone missing.
Instructions
This is a multiple-choice diagnostic. For each question, imagine a GOP congressman filling in the circle that best reflects his likely response. Use a No. 2 pencil. Results may reveal conditions such as Spinal Evasion Syndrome, Testicular Atrophy of Conscience, or Acute MAGA Dependency Disorder.
Section I – Structural Integrity
1. Which organ is used to assess constitutional violations?
◯ A) Brain ◯ B) Gut ◯ C) Twitter feed ◯ D) Whatever Trump says on Truth Social
2. When Trump undermines the rule of law, the response is…
◯ A) Issue a statement of concern ◯ B) Hide behind procedural jargon ◯ C) Blame the media ◯ D) Schedule a spine transplant
3. Do you possess the anatomical equipment to confront Trump’s destruction of democratic norms?
◯ A) Yes, and I’ve used them ◯ B) I had them once, but they were redistricted ◯ C) I’m waiting for polling data ◯ D) I outsourced mine to Mar-a-Lago
Section II – Vocal Function and Public Courage
4. What is your primary function as a legislator?
◯ A) Uphold the Constitution ◯ B) Serve your constituents ◯ C) Protect your seat ◯ D) Echo the loudest voice in the room
5. What is your emergency response plan if Trump declares himself above the law?
◯ A) Impeachment proceedings ◯ B) Constitutional education ◯ C) Prayer ◯ D) Relocate to the Witness Protection Program
6. When Trump spreads medical misinformation, you…
◯ A) Call it out publicly ◯ B) Say “I’m not a doctor” and move on ◯ C) Retweet it ◯ D) Ask Dr. Oz for clarification
Section III – Cognitive Dissonance and Moral Reflexes
7. When asked about Trump’s criminal indictments, you say…
◯ A) “No one is above the law.” ◯ B) “It’s a witch hunt.” ◯ C) “I haven’t read the charges.” ◯ D) “Let’s talk about Hunter Biden.”
8. What is your position on Trump’s threats to prosecute political enemies?
◯ A) Deeply troubling ◯ B) Misunderstood humor ◯ C) Strong leadership ◯ D) “I’ll get back to you after the primaries.”
9. Do you believe in peaceful transfer of power?
◯ A) Absolutely ◯ B) Depends who’s transferring ◯ C) Only if the base approves ◯ D) “Let me check with Steve Bannon.”
Final Diagnosis
Mostly A’s: You may still possess a functioning civic anatomy.
Mostly B’s, C’s, or D’s: Seek immediate treatment for Constitutional Collapse Syndrome. Recommended therapy: public accountability, civic education, and a daily dose of satire.
Reader Challenge: Add Your Own Questions
To make change, we must gather data—and satire is a scalpel that cuts through denial. What questions would you add to the Congressional Anatomy Test? Submit your own satirical diagnostics, poetic challenges, or cartoon prompts. Selected entries will be published in a future edition of The Civic MRI Report.
Let’s co-create the anatomy of accountability. One organ at a time.
FTS
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