Haikus of Deference
A poetic constraint on political non-answers
On October 2, 2025, Pam Bondi appeared before the Senate Judiciary Committee to address concerns about her conduct as Attorney General. The hearing, chaired by Sen. Dick Durbin (D-IL), featured pointed questions from Democratic senators probing her politicization of the office, her refusal to release key evidence, and her unwavering loyalty to President Trump.
Rather than offering substantive answers, Bondi delivered memorized, canned responses—often echoing Trump’s rhetoric verbatim. Her testimony felt more like a tribute than a defense, with phrases like “witch hunt,” “America First,” and “alternative interpretations” repeated with theatrical precision.
In this satirical reimagining, Bondi’s replies are constrained to haiku form: three lines, seventeen syllables, infinite deflection. Each haiku is labeled Bondi’s Reply and follows a direct quote from the hearing transcript.
Actual questions from the hearing. Stylized answers. Seventeen syllables of spin and shade.
Sen. Dick Durbin (D-IL):
“Madam Attorney General, it’s my job to grill you.”
Bondi’s Reply:
I honor your role.
But your flame flickers with doubt.
Trump’s fire burns clean through.
Sen. Adam Schiff (D-CA):
“You made a clear commitment you would not politicize your position.”
Bondi’s Reply:
I serve justice’s face.
Yours twists with partisan grief.
Trump sees through the fog.
Sen. Adam Schiff (D-CA):
“Will you release the audio or video tape of the agents’ interaction with Tom Homan?”
Bondi’s Reply:
Tapes don’t serve your spin.
You crave drama, not the facts.
Trump trusts silence more.
Sen. Peter Welch (D-VT):
“Whenever we try to pin you down, you bring up our background instead.”
Bondi’s Reply:
Your past speaks too loud.
I reflect what you deflect.
Trump reads every file.
Sen. Amy Klobuchar (D-MN): (from her earlier confirmation hearing)
“Will you assure us the White House will play no role in cases investigated or brought?”
Bondi’s Reply:
No role—just wisdom.
Unlike your cautious tiptoes,
Trump walks through the fire.
Your Turn: A Participatory Challenge
Now it’s your moment in the civic spotlight. Choose one of the real questions above and:
Rewrite Bondi’s Reply in a different poetic form—limerick, sonnet, courtroom rap.
Flip the haiku: write the senator’s rebuttal in 5–7–5.
Illustrate the exchange as a courtroom cartoon, complete with metaphorical props (golden gavel, MAGA halo, sealed evidence vault, flaming grill).
Submit your responses, remixes, or illustrations to us. Let’s turn rhetorical theater into participatory art—and restore the missing blocks of democracy, one syllable at a time. We’ll post responses in a forthcoming Substack post.
FTS
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