The Smithsonian’s Memory Hole Gets a Presidential Upgrade
Smithsonian Removes Label Noting Trump Impeachments
When the National Portrait Gallery replaced a portrait of President Trump this week, it took down a biography of his first term.
The new image, a black-and-white portrait taken by the White House photographer Daniel Torok, shows the president in the Oval Office, staring directly into the camera with his fists on the Resolute Desk. When Mr. Trump posted the image on social media in October, he wrote, “In the Oval Office, getting ready to leave our imprint on the World. MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!”
New York Times January 10, 2026
In a stunning display of institutional spine that would make a jellyfish weep with envy, the Smithsonian Institution has unveiled its latest exhibit: “Things That Definitely Never Happened™.”
The National Portrait Gallery, apparently having consulted George Orwell’s 1984 as an operations manual rather than a cautionary tale, has removed the pesky little biographical details about President Trump’s two impeachments from his portrait display. Why clutter history with facts when you can have a nice, clean aesthetic?
The new portrait—a brooding black-and-white shot that screams “I definitely understand what gravitas means”—shows Trump with his fists planted on the Resolute Desk like a toddler who just declared he’s not going to bed. The caption? His own social media post about leaving an “imprint on the World.” One assumes the curators decided that Trump’s own Truth Social account is now the gold standard for museum-quality historical context.
What’s Next for America’s Attic?
Sources inside the Smithsonian report that further revisions are being considered:
The Hope Diamond will be relabeled “Tremendous Blue Thing—Experts Say They’ve Never Seen Anything Like It, Tears in Their Eyes”
The Wright Brothers’ plane will now credit “Anonymous Real Estate Developer Who Definitely Invented Flight First”
The Star-Spangled Banner will be replaced with a flag from a Trump golf course, which historians agree is “more patriotic, possibly the most patriotic ever”
Abraham Lincoln’s stovepipe hat will be swapped for a red baseball cap with updated historical context: “Make America Great Again (1865 Edition)”
The Ruby Slippers will come with a new plaque: “There’s No Place Like Mar-a-Lago”
The First Ladies’ gown collection will be reorganized by “hotness rating,” a new curatorial framework
Fonzie’s jacket will replace Benjamin Franklin’s printing press as the cornerstone of American innovation
When asked why they removed mention of the impeachments—you know, those things that actually happened and are part of the historical record—a Smithsonian spokesperson reportedly shuffled their feet, stared at the ground, and mumbled something about “updating the display” before speed-walking away.
A New Standard for Historical Accuracy
This bold new approach to curating history raises exciting possibilities. Perhaps the National Museum of American History will soon remove references to Watergate from Nixon’s exhibit. Maybe the Holocaust Museum can just rebrand as “A Museum About a Nice Time in the 1940s.” Why let documented historical events get in the way of good vibes?
After all, history is whatever we want it to be, especially when accompanied by a sufficiently intimidating fist-on-desk pose.
The Smithsonian: Where history comes alive, gets uncomfortable, and quietly removes itself from the display case.
“Those who control the present, control the past. Those who control the past, control the future. Those who control the portrait gallery, control the label printer.” — George Orwell, probably, if we remember correctly, which we might not.
FTS
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