Three Autocrats Walk Onto a Golf Course
Let me set this up for you..
Vladimir Putin, Xi Jinping and Donald Trump are playing 18 holes at the Trump International Golf Club in Dubai. The conversations have been civil among the three centering around whose country is the greatest. But but the time they’ve reached the 18th hole, the discussion has become more agitated.
Trump says “ I have built the best wall in the world between Mexico and the United States. My wall has stopped rapists, murderers, drug dealers and people from mental institutions from coming into the United States.”
To which Xi Jinping replies”The greatest wall my ass, in China we have the original Great Wall. It runs along the northern borders of ancient Chinese states as protection against nomadic hordes from the Eurasian Steppe. It is 13,170 miles long and has been voted one of the New 7 Wonders of the World.”
Putin argues “Walls, schmalls - Russia has the Iron Curtain. We didn’t even need to build anything, we just said there was an Iron Curtain and it kept Europe divided from 1945 until 1991. Not a cent had to be spent. We are so powerful we could accomplish the same thing with just a wall of words.”
Despite the arguments, they all agreed on one thing. The temperature that summer afternoon in Dubai had climbed well over 104 degrees Fahrenheit. and they all needed a shower.
Hold on, this is my story let me tell it my way….
As Putin, Xi and Trump step out of their showers, the bickering continues. Trump says “My country’s wealthiest oligarchs have the greatest mega yachts of anywhere . Jeff Bezos yacht is a 417 foot luxury sailing vessel called “Koru” with a smaller support vessel named “Abeona”. Koru cost $500 billion to build and requires $30 million annual maintenance. Abeona has a helipad and additional crew living quarters.”
Putin replies - “My friend, Roman Abramovich, has the largest yacht in the world. It is 533 feet long, has two helipads, a missile defense system, bullet-proof windows, a miniature submarine and a swimming pool that’s over 50 feet long. It cost 759 million pounds.”
Xi retorts “ We seize the mega yachts of your richest people and we are now building the yachts of those you admire and selling them to you. But yachts are small change compared to the fact that we are building artificial islands to exert control over the entire South China Sea. And you talk about mere mega yachts.”
The three come out of the showers, and while drying themselves, Xi Jinping starts boasting like most men around the world do while standing naked in a locker room. “My concubines have said my member is like pork. It’s versatile, deeply rooted in culture and easy to raise.”
Putin continues the boasting “The women I have been with have told me that my manhood is the biggest they have seen, that sleeping with me is unlike anything they have experienced. My stallion almost blushes in shame.”
Trump is silent. It is evident that what has been said about small hands is conspicuously clear. He has no reply, his orange color changes to a bright red.
He has no comeback but, luckily, Xi Jinping is not to be undone by Putin. “ China is the largest country, it occupies 3, 705, 410 square miles.”
Putin answers “What are you talking about, Russia is much bigger, almost twice as large. We occupy 6, 612, 075 square miles. And what about you, Trump? How big is your puny America?”
Realizing that the United States has a total of only 3,809, 525 square miles of land and water, only sightly bigger than China, Trump replies “When I annex Canada the United States will be bigger than the two of you- 7,664, 626 square miles. I will Make America Great Again, greater economy, greater leader and greater size!
And now you now the true reason why Trump wants to make Canada America’s 51st state:
Forget everything you’ve heard or thought about the geopolitical implications of making Canada the 51st state, Trump wants to annex Canada because he has small hands.
But what else would you expect from someone with as fragile an ego as the 47th president.
FTS